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(no subject) [Sep. 9th, 2007|02:45 pm]
I feel like writing but I don't know what to write. Everything in my head is a flood of emotions.

This year has started out fairly well. I am happy...as happy as I can be at my age I guess. I yearn for some odd sense of security but I am only 20 after all. I am two decades...time is so very fleeting on the mortal level. I wonder what keeps me going everyday of my life and than I get so wrapped in school and life I don't have time to think that over. *sighs*

Twenty years. Twenty years of growing up too soon. Twenty years of knowing too much. Twenty years of crying and smiling. Just twenty years. A mere blink of an eyelid in the big scheme of things.
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(no subject) [Jul. 19th, 2007|12:39 am]
[Current Mood |ecstaticecstatic]

Jobs: Boudreaux's Catering and Tuseday Morning

Relaionship: Stephen Peltier

College: NSU

Major: Performance / Directing ( Theatre )
Minor: Undecided ( Photography or Psychology )

Summer: Fleeting

This is my update on life.

I worry how I got along so well my first year at school and am somewhat frightened that I could not get along so well next year after reading about friends lives.

I know this as long as I can act, dance, and take picures I can be content.

Maybe this is as good as it gets?

I am taking ballroom dancing lessons. I am estatic.

I am in love.
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(no subject) [May. 18th, 2007|04:10 am]
[Current Music |Indoor Fireworks - Elvis Costello]

It's 4 am and the only thing I want to do is wrap my arms around you and talk to you for hours on hours. You know who you are...

I am in a mellow mood. *sighs*
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Here we are face to face in the mirror, Darling. Did you ever think It'd be like this? [May. 9th, 2007|12:35 am]
Sooooo I am back home for the summer HURRAH!

Kelli and I hung out for awhile yesterday it was alot of fun and reminded me how happy I was to be how etc. It made me happy to know that my friends like Kelli, Morgan, and Elizabeth I could just hang out with them as if we never stopped talking kinda pick up where we left off. It's crazy.

That's one thing I kinda wish I had alway known about college. Not to freak out and think I had to talk to all my friends everyday of the week. Because I find myself more and more not stressing about stuff like that because I hope that they feel the same that our friendship is strong enough we can go awhile without talking but they know I have got their backs.

Wow it's getting harder and harder to believe that my first year it over. My grades came in today. I got a 3.6 GPA all because of my Nutrition teacher that looks like a TOAD. I am not normally a judgemental person or at least I try very veyr hard not to be but OMG she was such a bitch. I never missed that class got all B's and A's on my test. ALWAYS did my work and WTF I got a B. *snarls* *rolls eyes* I guess some teachers are just that annoying.

It's weird I have been waiting for the summer for so long and here I don't know what to do with myself. *sighs* I guess right now I'll go start reading another play. I have this new "resolution" ( if you will allow me to call it so ) that I will read 1-2 plays a week this whole summer and attempt to continue it throughout the school year.

Miss Mckay
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(no subject) [May. 3rd, 2007|05:18 pm]
[Current Mood |calmcalm]

Wow it's been a reallllllllllllllly long time since I posted a journal entry.

It's odd I findmyself wanting to type one of these up. My first year of college is over done with already. It's been a crazy year. I can't wait for the summer though.

It's really funny how I wanted to write one of these things so badly and now I don't know what to say. *sighs* I guess that is life for you. Sometimes you go wanting something so very badly for such a long time and then you don't know what to do with it or what to do with yourself.

I move out of here Saturday on Kell Bell's birthday. I am hopefully getting my own place next semesters instead of having to live on campus again. I filled out the form and everything to get permission to *crossses fingers*

Hrmmmmm, It's really crazy how I feel so out of sync with things back home it's this crazy juxtaposition of feelings simmering beneath the surface. All my friends had prom last week and I didn't even know about it. It is almost unbelieveable that that was me last year. Writing Thank You notes, my grandma making my dress, prom being almost rained out.


As fleeting as smoke...here one moment and than gone. Time is...

Anyway, I get to take Stage Combat next semester!!!!!!!!! *dances* I am sooooooo excited. Oh yeah btw...NSU is performinh CHICAGO next spring!!!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Ok...so every little girl wants to be roxie and velma but I just want to be in the dancing chours that's all!!!!!!

Grasping for the Smoke,
Miss Mckay

Did I mention I rediscovered my love for a Mr. Williams...Tennesse that is...^^
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(no subject) [Jan. 11th, 2007|10:40 pm]
I believe in preceiving things the way they are and still as an artist...does that make me all that really weird of a person. The world has natural beauty so why not enjoy the fact that you see things one way through a pane of glass instead of having to take the picture on the other side of the glass 10 ft next to the tree that looks even more beautiful through the frosted dust covered window? Why not take the picture how you see it? You see two people kiss through a large space someone creates with their arm...then take it that way! You see fireworks shoot into the sky and create clouds of bright luminous colors...but do you really see the sparks or do you see the haziness around them as well? The blur that colors create is beautiful so why not accept the beauty of the imprefection? Imprefection is beautiful...uniqueness is beauty.

I felt the need to express my creative inspiration. IDK...a moment of clarity...

Maybe my muse is calling me from somewhere in the deep mazes of my mind's eye...could I possibly be becoming more attune to my body and enjoying every minute of it...for the longest time I've felt numb and disconnected and now suddenly I feel like I am stepping through the haze and understanding just a little more of everything that surrounds me daily. People can do that to you I guess? lol

I'm in love and I can't help it...it makes me who I am and I love it...I celebrate it...I am renewed and reborn by the love I give and receive. I am the eternal Phoenix that I've always felt so intune with...





whatever you want to call it

It gives me sweaty palms and irregular breathing and it makes me live and feel alive.

Who and How and Why and When...I can never say at what moment I knew it and if it was gradual or not...and that is quite all right.
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(no subject) [Dec. 25th, 2006|03:38 am]
So I haven't written in ages...so why is it that at 2:40 in the morning on Christmas day I'm here typing away with nothing better to do but well...type? I have no earthly idea. I have so many pint emotions and thoughts maybe I just need some down to get rid of it all? I don't know. It's hard to believe that something like 6 years ago I couldn't wait for Christmas Eve and Day to open presents and see what "Santa" brought me. Well I know what I want from Santa this year...a little security. But that's not happening anytime soon.

So, this first semester in college has been a little crazy. Great new people who I hope I devlop good frienships with...some crazy nights of staying up late and just hanging out and relating with people...mainly just talking. I did great this semester I got a 3.778 GPA...huzzah! I got A's in all my acting classes. I had a blast working on all the shows I did. Dance has been a fabulous learning experince...and for some reason I feel completely and utterly devoid of something. As if a big chunk of me is floating around someone and I can't find it yet or what I have won't fit this void right now? Maybe I'm just scared? Who fucking knows I sure don't. I know what makes me happy right now and I know what is looming over my head right now as well.

I think...as much as I want to care about people I never let them in...I think after everything with Chris I have managed to remain aloof enough in friendships, in family relationships, and even intimate relationships. For some reason right now I'm realizing that...it's amazing how people have an effect on you. Right now I have someone great not nesscarily in my life but great none the less and I feel like I care for the person...I like to think I do...all right I'm sure I do but maybe I'm too afraid to let anyone in? I might say the words but do I really mean what I say or am I just playing with the made up mask facade that I have learned to hide behind so well. The facade I've built up like a berlin wall to hide my real feelings and use them later for artistic purposes. What is it gnawing in the back of my mind that's slowly eating away at myself...maybe I'm just that detached from everything...

The only thing I've every really wanted was happiness...just my own little tiny piece of that too sweet to live on forever pie. But, am I really living each day? Then why do I feel like I'm not even really here that I'm just a shell moving along going through the daily routines that occur. Do I feel alive? Or better yet when do I feel alive at all? Or am I blinded but my thought process enough to not even feel alive anymore? Beyond just happiness I want other things that create the elusive feeling of euphoria.I want the freedom and realiztion of artistic expression...I want to be successful in my career...I want ( as much as I fear it ) children...I want a partner, a lover, a confidante...someone I know I can live without but I don't care because I want to share my life with them...I guess that's my grown up Christmas list

Dear Santa,

How about this year I trade in all my gifts for a little old fashioned happiness...nothing more nothing less...just a life of happiness. Nothing in boxes with bows or ribbons, foil or glitter. I want hugs from good friends and the freedom to take a photo and look at it and realize I just captured something I've always wanted to carry with me. I want two great monolouges that show me off as an actress...just right now a tiny little slice of that too sweet to eat pie. Just some happiness is all I need.


Man I need a hug and a hand to hold...the holidays always get to me in the wrong ways...
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(no subject) [Jul. 27th, 2006|01:11 am]
What Your Soul Really Looks Like

You are quite expressive and thoughtful. You see the world in a way that others are blind to.

You are not a very grounded person. You prefer dreams to reality. For you, it's all about possibilities.

You believe that people see you as larger than life and important. While this is true, they also think you're a bit full of yourself.

Your near future is all about change, but in very small steps. The end of the journey looks far, but it's much closer than you realize.

For you, falling in love is all about the adventure and uncertainty. You can only fall in love with someone who keeps you guessing.

You Are a White Flower

A white flower tends to represent purity, simple beauty, and modesty.
At times, you are dignified like a magnolia.
And at other times, you represent great ecstasy, like a white orchid.
And more than you wish, you're a little boastful, like a white hydrangea.
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(no subject) [Jul. 3rd, 2006|01:42 am]
So it's been ages since I posted on my LJ...idk I guess I just went MIA for awhile. Life has been very simple lately. I'm still dating Stephen and I'm very happy and content with that. I'm just sort fo sitting here with nothing to do...I have Young Frankenstein in my dvd player right now ready and rarring to go and I'm not watching it...WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME!???


So I leave for NSU August 20th...Holy Crap I'm going to be on my own...oh gods...that will be interesting. But I'll be studying what I want. So needless to say I'm rather excited...and kinda anxious...and worried...all of the above.

So I'm working at Boudreaux's Catering business on Government now, right next to Baton Rouge High. Yeah that place. It's fun...I work with great people including Stephen...so life is good.

Anyway there really isn't a particular reason for this entry I guess...Oh well...life is just that completely random.

As Always,
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(no subject) [May. 23rd, 2006|02:41 pm]
Your True Love Is a Cancer

Why you'll love a Cancer:

Cancer's loyal and sincere heart makes your own sensitive heart melt.
Caring and devoted, a Cancer will take the lead in pursuing you - and not give up!

Why a Cancer will love you:

You're laid back enough to deal with Cancer's little mood swings and freak-outs.
A fellow homebody, you know how make Cancer comfortable and at home with you.

You Should Be A Leo

What's good about you: you always speak your mind and aren't scared of anything

What's bad about you: you have to be the boss, and you love to control others

In love: you enjoy being admired and pampered, but don't always reciprocate

In friendship, you're: easy to get along with and the center of attention

Your ideal job: member of royalty, TV anchor, or investment banker

Your sense of fashion: classic well fitting clothes that last forever

You like to pig out on: Greek or Italian food

Your Brain's Pattern

You have a dreamy mind, full of fancy and fantasy.
You have the ability to stay forever entertained with your thoughts.
People may say you're hard to read, but that's because you're so internally focused.
But when you do share what you're thinking, people are impressed with your imagination.

Your Love Element Is Fire

In love, you are a true listener and totally present.
For you, love is all about feeling more alive than you've ever felt.

You attract others with your joy and passion.
Your flirting style is defined by your strong ability to communicate.

Fun and play are the cornerstones of your love life.
And while your flame may burn too brightly, it's part of your appeal.

You connect best with: Wood

Avoid: Water

You and another Fire element: will likely burn out quickly

You Are Internal - Realist - Empowered

You feel your life is controlled internally.

If you want something, you make it happen.

You don't wait around for things to go your way.

You value your independence and don't like others to have control.

You are a realist when it comes to luck.

You don't attribute everything to luck, but you do know some things are random.

You don't beat yourself up when bad things happen to you...

But you do your best to try to make your own luck.

You have a good deal of power, but you also know the pecking order.

You realize that working the system does get you further.

You know who to defer to and who to control.

When it comes to the game of life, you play things flawlessly.

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